Ch. 6: The Awakening — Summer Showers

I remember taking the bus to work and sometimes just standing there, staring vacantly at the houses opposite the bus stop, and without realizing it, tears would trickle down my cheeks. I would think, “Why am I crying? I’m fine.”

But I wasn’t fine. I didn’t even know where I was going to live. I couldn’t stay with my cousin forever. I thought, “You have to figure something out, Aden.”

But my mind wouldn’t let me. I was too focused on the failure of my relationship and the many losses I had experienced over the years. I thought, “You did it again. Well done. You managed to fail.” I succumbed to the negative thoughts, numb to my failures. I thought back, “I have done all I could.” …

I am finding my joy in the release
I am freeing myself from my self-imposed memories and fears of losing you
I am choosing myself over your demons and impenetrable heart
No longer giving my days to you in anxious expectancy of your return
I am dialing back my frequency to that of peace and ecstasy
Drowning out your false love and broken promises with my admiration and wellbeing
No more time invested in one-sided love encounters and connections for, I have awakened to love; and self-respect
I am ceasing the endless love chase for the game must come to an end
I am no longer available to your toxic spirit for, I have been washed free with love that lives within me
Setting my boundaries and choosing to release for I have found my joy at long…

When action speaks volumes

It is with a heavy heart I let go once and for all
I have done all I can to speak to you about your offenses to my soul and heart
I have attempted to teach you the lessons and yet have failed to get through to your heart
My words have gone unheard
My actions had gone unnoticed
My plea has gone unanswered
It is time to move on
I will choose my self-respect not by words but by my deeds
No more waiting
No more hoping
No more wasting my time and resources on your mixed signals and vague intentions
I understand now that I am not worth your effort and concern
Your consistent lack of regard for my feelings have been made loud and clear
I will no longer live in denial
I will open my eyes to see you for who you are — unbothered
I will no longer make excuses for you for, I have run out of reasons
It is time to act
It is time to move forward
It is time to say…

Your grace is sufficient enough.
My peace comes from your soothing waters of life.
Your spirit is all the strength I need and desire.
I will submit my cares to you with thanksgiving.
I will not hold back from the gifts of love you desire to gift me.
Your aura of light is all the illumination I need amidst my darkened thoughts and trials.
I will seek your residence of peace and purity in all the moments of my earthly life.
My soul yearns for communion, as nothing else can truly satisfy my urges.
I will wait patiently at the intersection of my life for you to guide me down the right path.
I will trust you, for I have never been disappointed.
Your embrace is all I need to feel secure in a world filled with insecurity and strife.
Your words are the shield of defense against the flaming arrows of the underworld.
I shall not fear.
I shall not worry.
I shall not doubt. …

Acts of surrender and serenity amidst the storm

I will sit this through
No more running
No more hiding from my problems and trials
I will sit this through
I will not retaliate like I used to
Yes I have found peace in my pressure
Indeed I have found clarity in the chaos
I will not let my emotions take me, hostage
I will let the storms and tidal waves pass
The enemy will not divert my divine focus and purpose in this lifetime
I will sit this through
I will let the discomfort get space to express itself
I will keep my mouth shut for the enemy is waiting for my insults and cutty remarks
I will keep my eyes on Jesus for He is my way out
I will sit this through
I will no longer fear the unknown
I will no longer allow guilt to hold me back
I will reclaim my voice of leadership and assert my freedom, wellbeing, and boundaries with the words of love
I will not let others emotions and traumas to cloud my judgment nor distract my focus
I will not be in debited to peoples false goodwill anymore
I will continue to give my light and love for I know my Divine Father will reward me in good time
I will seek the glory of God to open the closed doors in my life and turn my pain into purpose
I will sit this through
No longer afraid of disappointing others
No more years wasted people pleasing
I will sit this through
I will no longer be forced to do things outside my boundaries for fear of being rejected
I will not fear being homeless or lost for I know my God will provide for me in all seasons
I will not listen to the thunderous torment of the enemy for He is irrelevant to my destiny
I will program thoughts of peace, light, love, and happiness in my network of mental programming
I will surrender the years of victimhood and expecting others to repay the lost years they had no cause in creating
I will not expect anything from anyone for all that I receive is a gift from God
Yes I will sit this through
I will not let my fears drive me to the next cycle of pain and disappointment
I will let my wounds heal through the discomfort and time it takes to seal the infliction
I will no longer demand from others what only I can request from God with thanksgiving
My desires will be granted through my gratitude and reverence of the Almighty God
I will choose to transmute this season of pain, hurt, and disbelief with purpose, power, and courage
I will sit this through for I am built to…

Yes, you read that clearly; I am worthy by default.
Take heed, for I have been designed by the master architect of divine perfection.
I was the blueprint of glory long before I came to be
I have been tailor-made to bring light and love to the world so, make no mistake in my design and abilities.
There is not an ounce of imperfection that my maker has created for; He is the artist of brilliance.
The lies of unworthiness no longer ring true to my soul for, I have risen from the dead.
The thoughts of self-hate and depreciation have been retired with the loving streams of confidence, high regard, and beauty.
I am perfect not by your standards but by the one who created the universe.
I am approved not by your meager qualifications but through my faith and existence. …